Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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