the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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