So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I wish I only lived at night.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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