I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
