Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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