Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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