So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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