why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
