Fuck appropriateness.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
