I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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