dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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