Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
