Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
