Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
