Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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