dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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