Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
you inspire me to be a worse person
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
