I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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