Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm experimenting with sincerity
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
