if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
