the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
