tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
