theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
