Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
