Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
