just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
