you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
