you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
