I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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