you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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