I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize