I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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