I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
