kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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