I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
