O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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