I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
