that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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