We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize