Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize