It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
