maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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