you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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