wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
birth control should be required to get into college
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
