It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
