There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
