His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
