it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
We left an ass print on the piano.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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