he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
