i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize