1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
