Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
