you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
