hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
