I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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