Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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