THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
