I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
God, you're like boner-b-gone
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
