3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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