hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
