I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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