so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Randomize
