I never want to see another naked old woman again.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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