Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
