i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
