just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
bring money and cleavage
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
