def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
