I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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