Umm I'm too high to move.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
