The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
