Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
