i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize