if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
