I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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