Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
