4 words: hood of his car
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
