I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
